A conversation on the forums over at IC got me thinking about clothing & appearance within a D/s relationship.
Being told how to dress has always been a bit of sensitive area for me. I have, like most people I guess, a certain style that I favour. It’s part of what makes me, well… me. Be it my old, beat up jeans & a T-shirt, my favourite bright pink PJ bottoms & a snuggly fleece, or linen trousers & a floaty top. I know what looks good on me, or more importantly (for me anyway) what feels good. Clothes are a big mood enhancer for me, to give me confidence in a social situation, to help me relax, or comfort clothes for those snuggle-on-the-sofa-with-a-book days.
Of course I’m also not without my own issues with self confidence & body image, I think many women probably feel the same. I’m pretty tall, so forcing me into 4 inch heels will make me feel too tall, and ungainly. Not to mention I’m in my 40s, and have a child, so my lycra days are definitely done – the thought of a short, skin-tight, clingy dress makes my toes curl up in horror. But what if your Dom wants you in these types of clothes? Your aim is to please him after all, without thought to yourself, so shouldn’t you wear what he wishes, and do so with a willing heart?
In a previous D/s relationship I was always given very strict, minutely detailed instructions on what to wear when meeting with my Dom. I struggled a lot with this aspect of the relationship. Being ‘forced’ into clothing I disliked & found uncomfortable was awful. I’d go to meet him feeling self-conscious, unattractive & unpleasantly on edge. Perhaps this was his intent, but I don’t think so. I don’t think he really gave my feelings on the subject much thought at all to be honest. Maybe he thought it would heighten my feelings of submission, make me feel ‘my place’, but it had the opposite affect on me. It made me feel resentful, humiliated & so embarrassed that it sapped my self confidence badly – hard to feel sexy & pleasing when you want the ground to open up & swallow you.
Sir has very few rules for me in this area, so far – I think this might change as our relationship develops. When we’re at home, I’m naked, so that’s nice & simple, no confusion over what to wear to make him happy. Sometimes he’ll tell me to wear a particular item of lingerie, or a specific outfit too. By & large however he leaves me to choose my own clothes, though I know he’d very quickly tell me if he didn’t like what I was wearing, or considered it inappropriate, and I like knowing that.
So how will I feel when or if my Dom decides to increase his control in this area? We’ve already talked about my maybe dressing up for him, perhaps as a schoolgirl, or a sexy french maid…. There’s a key difference in how I feel about the prospect now, as opposed to in previous relationships, the main one being I know he won’t set out to humiliate me, because he knows that’s a sensitive area for me. He might push my limits, but I’m developing enough trust in him to let him have that control. Besides, I want to please him. I crave to be in that place where what I wear will matter to me only in so much as it makes him happy….. then I really will just be dressing for Sir.
Incidentally, when I was looking for images to go with this post google kept offering me pictures of salad dressing, and Sir Alex Ferguson… go figure, though Sir might be pleased about the latter.