6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
An interesting question, nature or nurture?
I can’t say what the roots of my need to submit are, but I can say they have always been with me. I think I have talked before on my blog about having fantasies even as a very young child of being controlled & dominated. These certainly weren’t sexual in nature in the beginning.
I can’t think of anything in my childhood that might have influenced this need, other than perhaps my father being absent a lot due to his work. If I had to take an educated guess I’d say some people are just more comfortable in a submissive role. It fulfils a need in them to please, to cede control to someone they can respect & look up to, and to be taken care of.
As to what submission is in the context of a relationship, I think for me it’s a number of things. Yes it is a relationship management tool, and a very effective one for me. I have a framework to guide me. I understand clearly what is expected of me. It takes away the guesswork & uncertainty a lot of the time. No need to wonder if he would like me to do something, because he will tell me what he wants from me. I can try anticipate what will please him, and I may get it wrong sometimes, but the fact that I have tried will be pleasing to him in itself. (Even though the word try is currently stricken from my vocabulary… sorry Sir!)
The sexual pleasure I receive from submitting to Sir is enormous. Just being with him and talking, acknowledging his control & dominance over me is a huge turn on for me. Placing my pleasure completely in his hands, knowing that he will control that is incredibly erotic. So yes, the sexual thrill is no small part of what appeals to me, but it’s so much more than that.
Being in a good D/s relationship completes me. Finding Sir – or him finding me perhaps -was like a revelation. Finally here was the compliment to what I needed, and here was someone who wanted what I had to offer. I love the structure of our relationship, it just feels so very right. Being a submissive with the right Dom is my safe place, where I can be what I am meant to be.
Not being able to express my submissive nature would be like wearing a pair of shoes that don’t quite fit. They might be spectacular shoes, gorgeous to look at, make me look great. Everyone might say how good those shoes are on me. But if they don’t fit me properly they will start to hurt. I won’t be able to relax wearing them, and will always be conscious that they aren’t quite right. Soon I’ll start to leave them in the wardrobe more & more until they never get worn. They might be wonderful shoes, but they aren’t right for me.
So while I could never compare my Sir to a pair of shoes… if I did he would be the most amazing pair of Christian Lacroix high heels, but I would feel like I was wearing my favourite Croc flip flops.